Cada día es más difícil cuando se extraña. Toda esta semana llevo extrañando. Apoyo, consejos, un hombro. Y al final, sigo igual, sentada en la ducha esperando saber que todo va a salir bien.
Ayer, al fin, tuve respuesta a una, tan solo una pregunta que me hice por tantos años. Dolió.
Aún duele. Siempre he estado. Siempre estuve. Siempre estaré. Pero...y yo? Una mala decisión basada en lo que, ahora logro ver, fueron excusas, me llevó a perder la mejor parte de mi vida. Lo reconozco. Pero...y yo?
Hay muchas cosas que no entiendo y que probablemente nunca entenderé. No importa. Ahora ya sé. Ahora entendí lo que significa "escuchar al corazón". Ahora entiendo lo que las lágrimas cuestan. Ahora entiendo que hay ocasiones en las que uno da, deja de dar, pero tampoco recibe. Y sigue dando. Y no recibe. Y sigue esperando.
Necesito saber que todo está bien. Tan difícil es? Estos días no han sido fáciles y necesito de verdad saber que todo va a estar bien. Pero, tendré que convencerme yo sola que así será, porque lo que un día se creyó, es lo que hace. No estar.
Today, I was inspired by the "Endless Love" movie. One of those teenage-love-story movie that inspires to love. To love with all your heart until it gets on fire. The one that we all dream with but no all find. The one that we all want to enjoy, but not all do. The one that all you need to live in is not a great house, it can be in a beautiful home not full with furniture but with love, where the fridge is disconnected and there is no stove. I believed in it once and still, in my kind of endless love.
It remembered me the kind of love once I had. The one that we fight for, the one that made me feel all good with myself, and be better. The one that inspired me to get up and do things, keep pieces all together. That kind of love that I have always believed in and that traspasses frontiers, bridges and even long periods of time. The one that showed me what being alive meant. The one that made love to me with the first heart-given kiss. When two really meant one.
I remember once when someone told me that did not believe in love anymore. It got me so confused. I did not understand what he really meant, because it was not true. Somewhere deep in his heart he might find it again. I know it. I hope for it.
But got me so confused because once I thought in that too, you know. I guess I just wanted not to believe in it because it was easier. Love complicates things. Love complicates life. But as far as I know, the more you want to refuse it, the more you need it. I found myself screaming for it. Is not that you do not fight for it, you are terrify. I was. I am.
And I found it. Right in front of me. There was this guy, after so many years, who kissed me. Desperate-hot mode. Set me free. Found it, again. In that place where most people gets free waiting for a new adventure.
It might not be too late. Every one of us have something to fight for or with. My kind of love might not be the same as yours, but still. I still believe in it and live within. And I just hope someday you will find it, deep in you heart, and make you smile again, make you feel in-love again. Keep fighting champ, do not missed it, just do not. I beg.
In this movie, David says something like "I believe that love comes first. At the end of the day, what is more important? (Oxigen?) I want to find true love, the kind that you fight for, that is always first, the one that makes you be good to better; and not with a girl, but with the girl. And when I find that, that is all I need"
Jade says: "my first love was all of it at once, the kind you never fall back from, never try to, never want to, a love so big, so strong that never dies, never fades, never lose its electricity. The kind of love that you fight for, the kind of boy you fight for..."
My kind of love. An endless love...your endless love.
